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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638786">Not A Gallagher</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodgerBear/pseuds/DodgerBear'>DodgerBear</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shameless (US)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gallagher family fluff, M/M, domestic bitches, mickey bonds with the family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:35:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638786</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodgerBear/pseuds/DodgerBear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey finds out what it takes to make it to the top of the list in the Gallagher household.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>486</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not A Gallagher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sneaky lil one-shot, because it’s finished and I need it out of my head.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>It started years ago, Ian told him. Like, way back when Ian was a kid. But Mickey could honestly say he’d never noticed it before. Or just maybe he never figured out what it was until he saw his own name on there. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There is was, though, at the top of the list. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What the fuck do you mean, best Gallagher?” He brought the coffee pot over to the table and set it down next to his husband. He popped his head out of the door to the back yard and hollered at the top of his lungs to the van parked out there that breakfast was on the table. Ian smirked into his coffee cup and Mickey flipped him off without even looking at him. Everyone knew Mickey made the meals around here and everyone knew he acted like he hated it. Emphasis on ‘acted.’ Mickey was very vocal about Ian going to work or Liam and Franny going to school without something to eat first. Ian understood the quirk in his husband’s personality more than most. Ian needed to eat for his meds to work properly and Mickey was all about Ian’s well-being. The Liam and Franny thing was a little harder to grasp if you didn’t know much about Mickey’s upbringing, but Ian got it. Mickey went to school hungry every day for years. If he could stop that same thing happening for the kids living with him now then he would get up early every day and flip pancakes like he worked in IHOP. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam sloped down the staircase with his school bag trailing behind him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey.” He greeted casually and returned Mickey’s fist bump as he passed to get to the table.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian reached over and straightened Liam’s school tie. “Freddie keep you up last night?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam shook his head and pulled a face at the baby perched on Ian’s knee. “Nope. I grew up sharing a room with you, Carl and Lip. You learn to sleep through anything.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian chuckled. “Carl snores real bad. And Lip talks in his sleep.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“And you weren’t as quiet as you thought you were when you were sneaking Mickey into your bed.” Liam drawled and slathered some jam on his toast. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey flipped them both off. Freddie giggled and made Mickey smile, a tiny smile that he tried to hide but it was a smile all the same. “Liam, what the fuck is this about?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam looked over to where Mickey was pointing at a magnetic whiteboard stuck to the front of the fridge. “Best Gallagher.” He stated simply. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Before Mickey could press for further details the back door opened and Lip shuffled in with Tami right behind him, both looking tired but with sparkling eyes. It was easy to see how they’d spent their evening while Ian and Mickey babysat their munchkin. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey guys.” Lip ruffled Ian’s hair and plucked Freddie into his arms, bouncing him and kissing his face. “Hey there big guy. You had fun with your guncles?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tami accepted the plate of bacon from Mickey with a smile and a squeeze of his arm. “Did he sleep okay?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey shrugged. “Woke up a couple times screaming louder than the Titanic’s iceberg alarm, but we figured it out.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian chuckled and grabbed his phone, quickly flashing a picture around so Lip, Tami and Liam could see. They all laughed and cooed, making Mickey suspicious. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“The fuck’s that?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Just you.” Tami grinned and passed the phone back to Ian. “Being the sweetest uncle in the universe.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian finally revealed the photo to Mickey and he blushed furiously at the image. He was in Ian’s old bed, which was usually empty since he shared another room with the redhead now, but when Freddie had woken up crying he’d picked him up and settled in with him there. In the photo he was cradling Freddie securely and they were both asleep. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“When did you take this?” He snapped at his husband. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“When I woke up and you weren’t beside me.” Ian retorted. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey scoffed. “Well you’d all sleep through fuckin Hiroshima and leave the poor kid screeching...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip poured himself a large coffee once he’d handed Freddie off to Tami and Mickey glared as he snatched the pot back to refill it. Somehow he made breakfast for this entire bunch of heathens and still didn’t manage to get a fresh cup of java before everyone else. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Lip, the fuck’s this about?” Mickey pointed to the whiteboard. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip opened his mouth to speak but Mickey cut him off. “And if you utter the words Best Gallagher like I'm supposed to know what the fuck that means I’m gonna crack some heads.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip hesitated with his mouth half open. “But...but that’s what it is...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“The fuck...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fiona started it way back when we were kids. I think I was 11.” Lip said. “She thought she would add some friendly sibling rivalry in the hopes we’d do more chores. Back in the day, being top of the list meant you go to pick the movie for family night.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fiona wildly overestimated its success when it came to completing chores, but the concept stuck.” Liam added.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey pointed to his face. “In case you didn’t know, this is my what the fuck face.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian tipped his head back and laughed, filling the room with the sound of happiness. “It’s simple, Mick. We’re all on the list, someone does something worthy and they go to the top of the list. Whoever is top of the list at the end of the week is the Best Gallagher.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey reeled around and squinted at the board. “Why am I on there?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip settled in a seat and took Freddie back from Tami. “You scored mega points for offering to babysit last night. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey folded his arms and raised his expressive brows at his husband. “<em>I</em> offered, did I?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian giggled. “It’s not my fault you agree to anything after sex.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Eew.” Liam scowled. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Seconded.” Lip added. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey flipped them off collectively and poured himself a coffee before it all disappeared again. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You helped me with my social studies homework.” Liam pointed out. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey closed his eyes in dismay. “You were studying the juvenile judicial system. That’s the equivalent of getting Bob Ross to do your art homework.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Who?” Liam looked confused. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You don’t know who...Jesus Christ. Anyways, my point is I helped you because I’m the only person in this house qualified to teach you anything about it.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Carl went to juvie.” Lip stated. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh yeah? And you want him to give the kid a balanced view of the system?” Mickey scoffed again and drank more coffee. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Good point.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Ian and I were both arrested when we were minors.” Lip continued and avoided looking at Tami and her narrowed, judgemental eyes. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What for?” She snapped at him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip pretended he hadn’t heard so she looked at Ian instead and he couldn’t ignore her withering glare. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Grand theft auto.” He confessed quietly and Lip shook his head at the betrayal from his brother. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh don’t look at him like that, Philip. You just told me yourself.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey smirked and leaned his hip against the counter. “Didn’t go to juvie though...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian shrugged. “Nope. Shame really...we coulda hooked up even earlier.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah.” Mickey nodded along. “Only there’s no way I’d be your bitch in the joint.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian smirked wickedly. “For you, I mighta considered switching things up.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“For the love of God, why do we know so much about your sex life?” Liam groaned. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey moved to the bottom of the stairs and called up. “Franny, your breakfast is getting cold. Leave the damn dollies alone for five minutes and come eat!”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian and Lip shared an amused look as Mickey ‘King of the Kitchen’ Milkovich did his duty. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tami chewed her bacon strip thoughtfully and waved it in the air. “You changed the tire on my car when it was flat the other day.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“So?” Mickey busied himself making a fresh batch of toast and bacon for Franny, because for all he had the tough guy act nailed on he would never actually make her eat cold breakfast. Her footsteps bounded closer and he waited at the bottom step for her to launch into his arms from halfway up. A weird ritual they did almost every morning that made Ian feel like he was growing ovaries and getting broodier by the day. Mickey spun her around and deposited her in the spare seat next to Liam and got back to making her breakfast. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“So,” Tami continued like they weren’t interrupted. “It saved me $50 and I wasn’t late for work. That scores big time points.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Don’t wanna sound like I’m ungrateful for whatever ‘points’ you wanna throw my way but I think I’d be less thankful to me and more pissed off at your so-called mechanic baby daddy for leaving you with a flat in the first place.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tami glanced at Lip and then back at Mickey. “I did have that conversation and he assures me there was nothing wrong with the car the last he saw. Guess I gotta take his word for it.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lip chuckled. “It was fine! You drove over a six inch screw, what could I do about it when I wasn’t there?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey dropped a plate of toast and two strips of bacon in front of Franny and then allowed Ian to grab his hand and pull him into the last seat at the table. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Thank you, Uncle Mickey.” Franny sang out and Mickey reached out his hand to get his customary low five from the young girl, too busy with the action to notice the others around the table sharing more amused looks. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey Franny. Did you vote for Uncle Mickey to be top of the list?” Lip asked his niece. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Of course.” The adorable four year old piped up. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Why?” Mickey was thoroughly confused. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Duh. You played Disney princesses with me.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Every pair of eyes became trained on Mickey and he blushed furiously. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You did?” Ian smiled widely and pulled Mickey into his side to press his lips to his soft, messy hair. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We made them join a fight club.” He stated flatly. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Franny nodded wildly. “It was awesome. Mulan kicked Elsa’s ass!”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey immediately made the slashing-at-neck-shut-the-fuck-up motion but Ian was already shoving at his arm. “You taught her that word?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“She’s lived here her entire life. You’re lucky she’s not dropping the f-bomb every five seconds.” Mickey retorted hotly. “Next time, kiddo, say butt instead.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Okay.” The child agreed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Mickey!” Ian gasped and his husband grinned joyfully. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Ooh no, what’s gonna happen? Am I gonna lose points?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian poked him in the ribs and got back to eating his breakfast. He only had ten minutes before he had to leave for work, taking Liam to school on the way. Franny started a little later and her school was closer so Mickey had the pleasure of doing her school run every morning. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No prizes for guessing if Ian put him top of the list.” Tami grinned across at the couple. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Every damn week.” Ian chewed rapidly. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What for this time?” Mickey asked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ian leaned over and whispered in his ear. “You blew me while I watched Jaws and ate a meatball sub. The holy trinity. Never come so hard in my life.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>When Mickey’s entire face flushed, the others knew not to ask. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We need to make a rule that you can’t use sexual favors to get to the top of the list. It gives you two an unfair advantage.” Liam said, ever the promoter of democracy. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“But for this week, at least, Mickey is crowned Best Gallagher.” Lip bowed to his greatness in a semi-mocking gesture. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Y’all missed my point though.” Mickey said, pushing away his plate. “I didn’t ask <em>how</em> I was on the list. I asked <em>why</em> I was on there. I’m not a Gallagher.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The group of people sitting around the kitchen table stopped eating, drinking and talking to stare at Mickey. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Not a Gallagher?” Ian repeated. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey wondered if he’d upset his husband. When they got married earlier in the year they’d joked about merging their names, but both options were equally cringeworthy and quickly ruled out. After Terry shot up their honeymoon suite they lost track of the conversation and it had never been brought up again. Technically, Mickey was still a Milkovich and Ian was still a Gallagher. Was this an issue for Ian? His fears were allayed a second later when the whole table burst into uproarious laughter. Mickey stared at all of them like the monkeys had taken over the zoo. He had no idea what was so funny. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Not a Gallagher!” Liam shrieked, his eyes shining with excessive laughter. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Funniest thing I ever heard.” Lip added. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Face it, babe. You’re one of us now.” Ian winked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey got to his feet and pressed a kiss to Ian’s twitching mouth. “Okay, funny bones. If you say so. I’m gonna take a shower.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mickey was almost at the top of the stairs when he heard Tami squawk at Lip. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“<em>I’m not on the list at all!?</em>”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And, damn, was he glad he’d escaped when he did. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><p> </p>
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